Cynical Glossary of Agile Terminology

Cynical Glossary of Agile Terminology

Doing agile: We do understand, that every team member is selfish, has poor communication skills and insufficient knowledge to solve an undefined problem that everyone pretends to understand in a predictable amount of time.

Therefore we are shifting the focus from believing the experts and their plans to learning, experimenting and repeatedly checking something useful gets done. And we do test-driven SAFe T-shaped daily pair programming Kanban with our Scrum PO.

P.S. We don’t do documentation, because we value working software more.

Scrum: A highly selling agile framework that is based on a prerequisite that is impossible to fulfill: knowing how long a chunk of work will take to complete [1]. It is all so great!

  • Autonomous teams that are told to do Scrum.
  • Early feedback and improved communications, but only after two weeks.
  • “Measuring the velocity” by relying on estimates. Everyone knew this already, when the estimates were done.
  • A Scrum Master that doesn’t require any skill or experience in order to have “master” in his job title.
  • The highest adoption of all agile frameworks, except no one “really” does Scrum, because it “doesn’t really fit in this particular context”, and therefore “we are doing Scrum OUR way”.

[1] Gray, Aaron, A criticism of Scrum